TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
