white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
