I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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