And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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