The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize