Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
