He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
