Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
