we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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