He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
