It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
