What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
