You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
