She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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