TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
