I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
