i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
