somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize