Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
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