Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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