this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
