I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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