Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
