...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
