he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
