Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
