I have demons in me.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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