I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
They left me at home... I'm a liability
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
