I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
