wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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