No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
