HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
