i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
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