I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
3pm strippers are depressing
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
