I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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