you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
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I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
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I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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