i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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