I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
