she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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