So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
