I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
