I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
