Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
