I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
