I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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