U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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