He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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