Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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