Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
