So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
