i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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