Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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