and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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