turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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