He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
