im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
