I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
