I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
