I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
