white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I woke up under a house in Key West
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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