TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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