ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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