She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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