Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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