New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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