I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
