well I can't set my house on fire every night
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
