if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
