I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
