he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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