dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Barsexuality is the new black.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
