i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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