Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
