WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
