She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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