The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
