Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
she looked like the before picture.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
