i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
