Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
