just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
