youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
