the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
