I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
