Me too!
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
