Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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