I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
