When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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