I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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