its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
