I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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